February 10, 2004
Serriena and R'hyn finally have their talk, but solutions are not so easy to find.

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Serriena comes into the weyr.

Niaryth comes into the weyr.

Evening is wearing down, a little; it's finally a little cooler outside, and dark - and that's something reflected in here, where half the lamps haven't been refilled. R'hyn's got one beside him, as he weaves little leather cords together, settled in at the table. A towel is half draped over the back of his chair.

Serriena enters the weyr. Niaryth follows with her head peeping in but when she doesn't spy her preferred bronze mate, she gives a rumble of disappointment and leaves, giving Serri some peace with R'hyn. Serriena announces herself a moment later by asking, "R'hyn can I talk to you?" Her voice is soft, containing none of the harshness she'd been carrying around in previous sevendays.

Niaryth heads out of the weyr.

"He's lounging in the feeding grounds, Niaryth," R'hyn murmurs, without even seeming to think about it - since he jumps, a moment later, as Serriena speaks. Turning, he puts down his work, turning slightly pink. "Of course, Serriena. What's the problem?"

"Us," Serriena points to herself and then to R'hyn. "We're the problem." She steps into the weyr and says, "Our friendship is on a very tight rope, one swing one way or another and it could be busted or fixed." She wavers her hand as she says that, showing the motion. "I'm here to try to fix it before I lose it."

R'hyn's face goes a little pale, his gaze drifting downwards as he waves his right hand towards one of the other seats at the table. "How do you propose we do that?" he wonders, in a quiet, somewhat sad voice.

"By talking," Serriena suggests. She takes that seat offered and clasps her hands before her on the table. Opening the palms slightly as she shrugs, she says, "Are you interested in even attempting to save our friendship?"

R'hyn's entire face crumples. "Of course I am," he says, hurt. "I hate it that we don't talk anymore, that you always seem so distant and hurt at me, and I hate that I hurt you, but I had to, and it isn't all my fault." He pauses for breath, turning his head away.

"No but some of it is your fault, something you need to take responsibility for, just as I attribute my own faults for the things that happened with myself and Ainsley." Serriena points out in that none too tactful way of hers. "I am sorry R'hyn that I snapped at you and yelled. I was angry and let my anger get the better of myself."

R'hyn sets his jaw. "Oh, so that's the only thing that was ever your fault?" He stops, and then sighs. "I'm sorry, but I find this frustrating. Yes, I yelled at you -- but because I think I had to. Would you have listened, at all, to anyone else? I didn't want to hurt you; I wanted to help you."

"I needed help," Serriena agrees, "Unfortunately R'hyn you couldn't have given me the help I needed." She laces her fingers together and then unlaces them as if nervous. "I was really hurt by the fact you considered my time as Senior Weyrwoman such a disgrace to the weyr." There's an edge of pain in her voice as she admits that. Serri turns her blue eyes to look directly into his pale green eyes.

R'hyn sighs heavily. "I didn't say that. Not at all. I said that Ainsley is doing a good job -- she has /something/ that makes her, to my mind, a special Weyrwoman. I didn't, at any time, try and suggest that you, or any of the other Istan Weyrwomen, were lacking something." He meets her eyes squarely, and his voice is firm.

"I realize that," Serriena says softly. "And I'm sorry I mistook your words." She doesn't look away from R'hyn, determined to get this over with. "But you did say it was the best in--" She cuts herself off and shakes her head, "No, I won't go there. It's over and done with." She glances down at her hands, eyes trained there in her embarrassment of almost rehashing the whole thing.

R'hyn's shoulders slump a little -- "And I do stand by that, Serriena," he admits, quietly. "And as I said, that doesn't change that I think you have all been good Weyrwomen."

"I appreciate that," Serriena admits. She gets quiet and then asks, "What are your feelings on this?" She looks ready to listen, finally.

"On this?" R'hyn hesitates for a moment. "On... this, between us, you mean? I'm frustrated, because it wasn't so very long ago that we were friends. And I miss having you to talk to."

"What do you want to talk to me about?" Serriena asks. She looks at R'hyn with a sudden sly grin, "Don't tell me you and Dixa are already having love problems." Just a little hint she's been listening to the gossip.

R'hyn colours sharply. "No," he says, calmly. "Mostly, I just miss having you /there/. Not for any specific reason."

"There?" Serri draws back. "R'hyn what do you mean..there?" She sounds uncertain and hesitant in tone, questioning what he meant by that.

R'hyn's face remains pink, and he explains, "There - as in, someone I can go to, if I want some company. Someone to talk to casually. A friend."

"Oh," Serriena looks slightly disappointed. Perhaps that crush still exists in a smaller form. "Well I am here. You can come talk to me anytime." She assures. "About anything." Even if it hurts her, from the sound of her voice. "Did you need to talk to me about anything?"

"I've hurt you, though," R'hyn surmises, in a very quiet voice. "And I never intended to do that to you. I suspect, though, I would have hurt you worse, if I hadn't hurt you... then."

"I'm over it," Serriena is a bad liar. She can't look at R'hyn when she says that, her blue eyes darting to the side and then back again. "But this isn't about that." She waves her hand at the mention of their small 'affair of the heart'. "Or is it?" She looks searchingly into R'hyn's eyes. "Because if it is, I am not sure I can talk about that R'hyn."

R'hyn shows doubt, in his expression, but doesn't express it - he nods. "About that? I don't know - /I/ don't have a problem with you about it, so long as you can... make me feel less guilty."

"I don't know how to make you feel less guilty," Serriena proclaims. She stands up from her chair, starting to pace. "I mean R'hyn... it's nothing to be guilty over." She stops and turns to face him. "So if you're feeling guilty it's just you, not me doing it."

"It's the way you mope," says R'hyn, finally, dully. "And you're probably not even moping, but it seems that way. I'm sorry, Serriena."

"The way I mope?" Serriena looks at R'hyn and suddenly she bursts into laughter. "Mope?" She hides her laughter behind her hand, covering her mouth. When she catches her breath she asks, "What do I walk around here like this?" She schlumps her shoulders and trudges in a very slow, deliberately exaggerated walk with a frown that has her lower lip sticking out at least three inches from her face -- another exaggeration.

R'hyn turns brilliantly red. "Don't make fun of me. But you do. Not-- not quite like that. But you wander around aimlessly, murmuring things to... to rocks! And maybe it's not about me, and that's good, but it makes me feel guilty anyway, because you're obviously not happy and I can't change that."

Straightening up, Serri says, "I'm not making fun of you R'hyn.. I'm trying to put a little humor in the situation." She sits back down and holds her hand out to him to take hers. "When I talk to Jalani's rock it brings me comfort. Did you ever know Jalani?" She questions.

"I know that. On both counts," says R'hyn, crossing his hands on top of the table and watching Serriena. "She died while I was at Southern. I'm not sure if she was at Ista before I left, but even if she was, I didn't actually know her - I was just a kid."

"She was quite a woman," Serriena admits. "Sometimes I wasn't sure if she was crazy or not but she had a lot of confidence in herself." Serriena looks down. "Sometimes I wish I had that much confidence, to not care what others think."

"Don't we all," murmurs R'hyn, quietly. "But you don't do too badly."

"I don't do well at all lately." Serriena is quiet as well as she says this. "The confidence I used to have has been shattered by quite a few unkind words."

R'hyn's lips purse, and he turns his attention away. "Don't. Don't blame me, Serriena. Any unkind words from me were constructive, and if they were from someone else, then take it up with them."

"I am not blaming you," Serriena slaps her hand down on the table. "Must everything be about you R'hyn?" She asks. "Your words, your insults, all of it..." She shakes her head. "If you truly feel that way, that you need to have me here, or be there for me out of some sort of GUILT, then I won't have it!" She stands up. "I don't want to be pitied, because I don't pity you!"

R'hyn stands up, his seat nearly toppling behind him. "Then why do you encourage the pity party? The 'everyone is so mean to me' thing? Because I can't help but feel guilty for that, and it's not even my damn fault. No, I don't want you in my life because I feel guilty. I want you in my life because you're my friend, the mother of my daughter, and a woman whose opinion I value."

"I am not!" Serriena retorts back. "I was telling this to you to make you understand where I was coming from! Yes I was pitiful, but no more!" She crosses her arms in front of her. "I want you to stop feeling guilty about me! I want you in my life because you're my friend, the father of my daughter and a man who I can care for!" Such deep confessions.. "I want you...." And Serri's statement trails off into oblivion as she repeats. "I want you.." said softly. "Faults and all."

R'hyn has to hold on to the edge of the table to support himself, as he listens, and his face falls further and further. "How can you ask me to stop feeling guilty, when you say that, knowing that it's something I can't give?" He, too, speaks softly - painfully, even.

"Because I'm the one who carries this burden, not you," Serri states in an even voice. "I know you like Cardixa. And it's hard for me to look at her when she comes into the council room. I keep asking myself what she has that I don't." Serri lets out a breath of air on a sigh. "And all I can come up with is you. She has you." She looks down. "Maybe this is a bad idea, staying friends. It's not healthy for me or you. I'm holding on to something I can't and never have had. And you can't even talk to me for fear of hurting me."

"But I'm the one who has to live with knowing how unhappy I've made someone, when I'm not even sure why I couldn't have made you happy-- except that I know it to be true," says R'hyn, heavily, still leaning upon the table for support. "Dix and I... No, I won't talk about that. I'd like to be your friend, Serriena, but if it's too uncomfortable for you right now, I'll understand. We'll see each other for Rhyena's sake, and say hello when we pass, but make it easier on ourselves and not try for something closer."

Serriena reaches up and rubs at her eyes which have become watery at the suggestion. "But I'm not doing this for me," She shakes her head. "I don't want to make you feel guilty." She looks up at R'hyn. "Perhaps it's for the best. You won't feel guilty and whatever the shard and shell I'm doing to make you feel that way won't be happening." Like the tears which are pooling in her blue eyes at the very idea.

R'hyn hesitates by the table, before, finally - and not without further hesitation - he steps across to wrap his arms about Serriena, unless she objects. "No, no, no. I think... I think it would make it worse. For me. Please don't cry. I don't think I could stand that."

"I'm not crying," Serriena gets wrapped up in that hug. Yet the tears are rolling. She lets R'hyn hug her, wrapping her arms around him for strength and support. "I'm just leaking..." Her pathetic attempt at a joke is muffled in the confines of his shirt.

R'hyn's got tears of his own, now, though he attempts to keep them from dripping, and in any way alerting Serriena to them. "Don't drown me," he suggests, flippantly, keeping his arms firmly wrapped about his friends.

It is several long moments before Serri is finally able to release R'hyn and attempt to take a step back, although it's with some reluctance. "I'd like to think about this," she says slowly. "To think about how to keep our friendship without all this messy stuff."

R'hyn draws back, letting his arms drop to his sides - he nods. "I think that's a good idea. I'd hate for it to come between us, as friends. There have to be ways to do it."

"Just have to figure out how," Serri nods her head. She stands there a moment and then says, "I'm going to go now. Whenever you want to talk, just come see me." She looks up with a half smile on her face - trying to be courageous. "Even if it's just to ask me to get more brandy, honey and hot water."

"I'll see you soon," promises R'hyn. "Perhaps we can take Rhyena out for an afternoon, sometime." His face breaks into a smile, and he laughs. "Yes, that's exactly what it'll be. You have a wonderful strength when you need it, Serri."

"Can you believe she'll be three turns old in three months?" Serriena perks up at the mention of their daughter. "She's growing so much faster than I want her to." She sighs wistfully. "I'll see you R'hyn." She turns and walks out of the weyr.

"Three." R'hyn shakes his head. "Time flies. Night, Serri."

"G'night R'hyn," Serri's voice calls from the outer portions of the weyr, slightly distant.

Serriena heads out of the weyr.

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