You amble northwestwards to the bright and cheerful living cavern.
Cinnamon bananas and a meatroll, or what's left of them, grace a plate that sits in front of the red-haired Amanda. She's finished eating, it seems, as she sits back in her chair, finishing up a glass of citron juice.
Ilesyn serves herself at the table filled with food, sparing no real amount of attention upon the exact meal choices she's making; it's really a matter of picking up whatever comes to hand first, and putting it on her plate. Rather absently, she manages not to spill water as she pours it into a mug, turning about to seat herself at a nearby table, which just so happens to be Amanda's.
Amanda looks up as the woman sits, a friendly smile for greeting. "Hi, I'm Amanda." she greets, setting her glass down so she can hand her nearly-empty plate to a drudge who passes their table on the way to the kitchens. Taking her glass back up, she takes another drink, watching her table-mate for a moment, "I've only been here a couple of days, so I don't know hardly anyone yet." she continues. "Who're you?"
"Ilesyn," greets the Mindhealer, vacantly, pushing her fork about her plate, before filling it, drawing it towards her mouth. "Journeywoman Mindhealer. Where are you from, then?" She chews absently, taking no obvious pleasure from her food. "Well met, Amanda."
Amanda smiles brightly, studying the woman's face as if trying to memorize it, "Well met, indeed, Ilesyn! Or I guess I should say Journeywoman Mindhealer Ilesyn." she says, chuckling. "I'm from the Benden area, actually. But, I guess now I can say I'm from here. For now." she adds, a wry smile coming to her lips.
"Why are you here?" Ilesyn is immediately more interested in Amanda than her meal, dropping her fork entirely so that it sinks into the mashed tuber and cheese concoction that some over-excited young cook has prepared. "I mean, what drew you to Fort, from Benden? It seems like a peculiar choice; not one that would usually cross the mind of most people."
Amanda has to think about that question for a moment apparently. She stares at the woman as if it's a wierd question to ask, but then shrugs, answering anyway, "I don't know. I guess to find something to keep me busy. My parents are too busy with the younger kids to keep me around any longer. I'm not much interested in farming, anyway." she reveals. "Nothing /drew/ me anyplace." she adds, sarcastically, "but I've been to four other places in the last five sevendays, so why not visit here, too?"
Ilesyn's eyebrows lift towards her hairline, as she absently attempts to rescue her fork from the gunk that is her meal. "You've visited all those places with thread falling? Fardling shards, do you have a death wish? As bad as all those star-struck candidates, who think dragonriding is glamorous."
Amanda eyes Ilesyn's food with a slightly bad look on her face, but then she looks back up to the mindhealer, smiling tightly, "I'm careful, and I know how to look out for myself." she states, in a slightly stronger tone than she may feel, judging by the look in her face. "I got here, didn't I?"
"Surprisingly," states Ilesyn, perhaps unkindly. "Is it one of your weaknesses, then, to jump into action upon a whim, and not consider the potential consequences?" Mindhealing-mode is on - well, it's perpetually on, to be absolutely truthful - and Ilesyn stares intently at Amanda, eyebrows still raised, as she lifts her tuber-covered fork towards her mouth.
"What, you don't think anyone can take care of themselves?" Mandy asks, rather belligerantly, "I'll have you know that I do just /fine/ by myself. And it wasn't a /whim/ that brought me here, or to any other place. I had ta go /somewhere/!" her eyes flash with slight anger, "The potential consequences? Hey, everybody dies sometime." she shrugs it off. "Anyway, who cares /now/? I'm here, I'm alive, and we'll see how long I /stay/ here."
Ilesyn's expression remains placid. "My goodness, you do have a lot of anger inside you, don't you? Have you ever considered stress relief of some kind? Throwing darts is supposed to be of use, although I've not found it to be so, myself." She tilts her head to her side, ignoring her food again. "And you don't mind the idea of dying? Please tell me you're not into heroics, as well?"
Amanda sits back in her chair, looking at the mindhealer in amazement. "Anger? Who said I'm angry? I don't need any relief from anything at all. All I need is a place ta stay and some food and something to keep me busy that I enjoy. Now, if I can find a place like that, then I'll stay put. But until then, I guess I'll haveta keep looking, now won't I?" she sets her glass down rather sharply, shaking her head, "I'm no hero. I'm just me."
"You sound angry. I can see it in you. It's what I'm trained to do. Are you sure you don't want to talk it out, or something?" Ilesyn's never off-duty, apparently. "Well, whatever rocks your boat, I suppose. Personally, I didn't much like the trader life, or travel of any kind. But at least you're not heroic." That, apparently, is a point in Amanda's favour.
"I'm not angry, I'm just fine. And there's nothing to talk about. I'm on my own, I'm here looking for work. What more is there?" Mandy wonders, eyeing the woman carefully. "What would I need to talk about?" she shrugs, "And I didn't say I /liked/ travelling, just that I did it." so /there/! She ignores the last comment.
Ilesyn shakes her head, her expression turning sage. "I think you're trying to avoid thinking about what you know is true. That's not a very healthy thing to do, I'm afraid." She shrugs, "But, whatever."
Amanda shakes her head, "I don't understand what you're talking about. What would I be avoiding? What would be true that I'm not thinking about?" she looks very confused, "I know what's true and what's not. I'm not /stupid/, ya know!" she bites at her bottom lip for a moment, "Anyway, I'm /very/ healthy, just so you'll know!"
"Never said you were stupid." Although her tone does imply that she might well think it, all the same. Ilesyn draws up her fork again, fiddling with it, occasionally bringing a mouthful of food towards her mouth. "Physicall, perhaps you are healthy. I wouldn't know - I don't do bodies."
Amanda huffs, eyes narrowing slightly, "You don't have to /say/ something to mean something. Even /I/ know that." she states, "And my mental state is just fine too, for your information. I'm not stupid, I'm not crazy..I'm me, Amanda." and that's that, she seems to imply.
Ilesyn shrugs her shoulders absently, setting down her fork again, lifting her mug towards her lips. Around said mug, she comments, "Even /you/? Why, imagine that." There's dry sarcasm there; Ilesyn's not, it seems, a particularly nice person. "Not crazy, no. I would agree with you on that. But you're certainly yet another candidate for that which I have to offer, if you were ever interested."
"Shards, but you're exasperating!" Mandy huffs, shaking her head, "How does /anybody/ come to talk to you? I'd htink you'd just make problems /worse/ instead a' better." she decides. "And I ain't a candidate for /nothing/! I'm here to work and that's it." she states.
Ilesyn gives a placid smile, apparently unconcerned with this. Perhaps she's just used to it. "I find that I'm very useful to people, in actual fact. You're obviously just not ready to accept your problems, and seek solutions for them." Her head tilts to the side, as she queries: "And what kind of work are you intending to do?"
Amanda shakes her head, evidently not able to figure this woman out, "What /problems/? Who said I had any to /begin/ with?" is that a cloud of doubt in her eye? "I was just eating breakfast and trying to be friendly, and all the sudden, you're here telling me I've got /problems/." she shakes her head, "As for work, I'lld o anything that needs to be done." she states, looking around, "I'm used to all sorts a' work."
"I did." Duh. Ilesyn smiles encouragingly, adding, "But so do most people, so don't assume that you're odd or weird or bad, or anything." She glances down at her plate, and shudders, turning away from it again-- perhaps she doesn't much care about her food, but even she prefers to avoid that. "Ah. Menial labour, no doubt."
Amanda tilts her chin up proudly, "Maybe you just /want/ people to have problems so you can talk about them. Maybe /you/have the problems." she decides. "And who said I feel wierd or odd or bad or whatever? Is that how /you/ feel?" she tries to turn tables on her. "And what's so bad about menial labor? I can do anything. I've kept the kids, I've tilled land, I've helped runners give birth. I've done lots of things."
Ilesyn shakes her head, calmly-- entirely unphased. "I've been a healer for eight turns, nearly nine. I've learnt these things. I have problems, as does anyone, but I do know a problem when I see one, without a doubt." Her shoulders shrug, her head shakes, "I never said it was bad. But, tell me, does it really fulfill you? Or is that why you keep moving about-- you're searching for something which gives your life meaning."
Amanda raises her eyebrows questioningly, "So you're saying that I'm a problem?" she asks curiously, eyes sparking with her anger. "Maybe I should just leave, if I'm to be treated like /this/. At least that M'ial was nice. He didn't think I had any problems." she states. "And what is fulfilling? It depends on who you are. As for why I'm moving around a lot, what /else/ am I gonna do? My parents told me to leave, so I did. Is it /my/ fault that I haven't found a place where I can meet /friendly/ people and find something to do that I enjoy?"
"Mostly because M'ial has problems of his own," says Ilesyn, calmly, twirling her fork with her fingers. "Leave, if you want. Run away from the reality you don't want to face. -- No, it's not your fault. I was simply commenting that that was what seemed, to me, to be going on. I don't fault you for it. Some of us take longer than others."
Amanda can't believe what she's hearing, apparently, her face a picture of disbelief. "M'ial seems just fine to me. At least he was /nice/. And who says I'm running away from anything? Reality? Reality is what's going on now, wherever a person is. /This/ is reality." she says, thumping the table. "And every second, reality changes. It's what you make of it." she says, her voice hard.
Ilesyn gives a lazy roll of her eyes. "You just can't take this, can you? You can't take a step back from yourself, and see what I can see. Whoever said I had to be nice? I'm just myself, just as you're yourself. I don't particularly care about myself-- I care about making people the best they can be, and helping them get over their problems."
Amanda waves a hand at the mindhealer, shaking her head, "No, I can't take someone that doens't even /know/ me sititng here telling me that I have /problems/." she says, staring at her, "Do tell me..what /do/ you see, then?" she asks, sitting back with her hands folded over her chest, "What would you have to do to make /me/ the 'best' I can be?"
"I'm perceptive," says Ilesyn, calmly. "I have a lot of experience in dealing with things; I've seen this kind of thing before. I do know what I'm talking about." She crosses her hands in front of her, explaining, in a calm, measured voice: "I see someone who has issues with wanting perfection-- searching for absolute fulfillment, and not being satisfied with what she has. I see someone who is too quick to anger, and needs to learn to listen to other people, and take good advice. I'd need to make you both see and accept these things, and then discuss where they came from with you, figuring out from there what the best course of action is."
" 'This kind of thing'. You make me sound like some sort of exibit." Mandy says, shaking her head in disbelief, "I /know/ I'm not perfect, nor will I ever /be/ perfect. Who cares? I'm me. I'll always be me. As for what I /have/? I have absolutely nothing but several changes of clothes. And that's fine. It's not like I'm expecting to end up with everything I want. I don't even know /what/ I want exactly, but it's not everything." she lets that trail off, her voice lowering a bit, her eyes dropping to the table, "I'm just /fine/."
"We're all exhibits." Ilesyn draws her hands off of the table, settling them within her lap. "To each other. That's what makes us what we are. People watch us, take notes, and some of us, like me, draw conclusions. -- Exactly. You don't know what you want. You're searching, and since you haven't found it, you can't settle with anything less. That's one of your flaws. I never said you had to be perfect. But you could be better." She rises from her seat, leaving her plate where it is: "I've work to do. It was-- not a pleasure, I suppose. A frustration. Good day."
Posted by Louise at January 29, 2003 11:08 AM